EPIC DATING FAILSPosted by Sandra Arachie

date

 

Is anyone still being bit by the love bug these days? Well... a seemingly long time ago, we used to go on dates. Good dates, bad dates, okay dates. The point is we used to have a lot of physical dates. Not Whatsapp, Facetime, or Snapchat video calls. I mean... actual dates.

 

Everyone knows that not all dates rank up there on the list of good dates. Today, I want to share 5 dating scenarios I have heard, as it relates to food.

 

1. The 'I gotta dash'

 

These people will leave you in a heartbeat when the bill for all the food consumed on that oh-so-magical date comes. It's like they have a community that's probably called 'Dashers Anonymous' where they come up with their one-liners on reasons they need to be excused. From restroom tinkle to car trouble or a distress call from family or friends.

 

There's always a reason to leave - especially when the bill arrives! A good tip to avoid this kind of trouble is to never consume food you cannot comfortably pay for.

 

 

2. The ones that are on a 'fast'

 

A disclaimer here is you will be hungry if you believe this person. You could be fasting but not everyone is on that fast as well. Now, don't get me wrong. A guy or girl can initiate a date and they need to discuss how the bill is to be split beforehand. But, there's nothing worse than being expected to come on a hangout without the merest consideration for the invited's need for a sip of water or a bite to eat, it needn't be anything too fancy.

 

A tip for this is to bring your own cash bruh!

 

 

3.  Awon no dining manaz

 

These ones missed out on the basic table manners class. With these ones you expect to hear them slurp their water, reply questions whilst still chewing and if you're really lucky, you'll be treated to a full belly burp. Just avoid looking at them full on when these antics start and you should be fine.

 

 

4. The 'Alakadas'

 

Just like the iconic movie 'Alakada' produced and directed by Toyin Abraham, some people are just incorrigible liars. They tell lies even down to food. They 'know' every type of dish and have very elevated palettes. Dining is not supposed to be stressful. A great tip is to eat what you know and dabble in the unknown sparingly.

 

 

Indian food is very spicy. Mexican food is known to be very flavourful but not as spicy as the Indians. Italians have a penchant for fresh herbs in their cuisine. Korean food has more 'heat'. Having these pointers should help you the next time you wish to dine out or order takeout. Please comment below if you would enjoy a guided exposé on culinary from around the World.

 

On the days you are going on a tasting, please have some sort of antacid in case of possible heartburn or stomach upset. Also, research and prepare more especially if lactose intolerant.

 

 

5.  The clutz

 

I have the utmost sympathy for them. They do not mean to spill water or somehow tip food into someone's lap or trip a waiter on his way to a different table. They're just clumsy, they no kill person. These ones should be protected at all costs. Please don't make them feel worse than they probably already are.

 

You can decide later if that's a deal-breaker for you, but do not make a joke at their expense. To diffuse the ensuing tension is a good way to get them out of their shell again and enjoy the rest of the date.